School Investigations – Innocent Until Found Guilty
School bullying investigations can be an arduous task. Parents need to know that – just like the law – alleged bullies are presumed innocent until found guilty.
All parties involved – targets, bullies, and bystanders – are afforded due process. Some cases are clear-cut when adults observe them, physical bullying being easier to investigate than emotional bullying.
The covertness of relational aggression compounded by the number of participants, codes of silence, developmental understanding of bullying, and the “did/did not” factor contribute to the length and cleanness of the bullying investigation. And, just like domestic abuse, no one can be arrested – or given consequences – without proof that what was alleged truly did happen. Only in rare occurrences, is there enough circumstantial evidence for a founded report.
Parents’ Role in School Investigations
Another confounding factor is the participation of parents. A true home-school partnership in an investigation occurs when both home and school are invested in finding out the truth.
When truth is discovered, education is the second step: teaching kids to find positive alternatives to bullying and teaching targets to understand why bullying occurred with methods to counter it if it happens again. These concepts need to be reinforced at home and at school, thus creating a healthy partnership for an emotionally and socially healthy kid.
When Partnerships Go Awry
When partnerships go awry, both home and school need to do a gut check. Is there something that could be improved on either side? As a parent, it’s hard to be clinical about this when you think your child is suffering, but in order to be efficient, it’s necessary to be truthful.
8 Parenting Types to Avoid Becoming
The following eight parenting types make a bullying investigation longer, harder, and more emotional. While it’s imperative for the school to do a clean and thorough investigation, it’s important that these parenting types sit up, take notice, and understand that their style is hurting their child as well as the investigation.
Though borne of the love of a child, these styles allow for the stunting of emotional growth through victim mentality or the protected beginning of a potentially criminal life. Unless you plan on protecting or defending your child throughout her/his adulthood, please avoid becoming any one of the following examples.
- The Importants
Whether Ms. or Mr., The Importants cannot possibly have a child who bullies. “Absurd,” they sniff, “Don’t you know who we are?”When their child is a target, however, they want things done immediately. It’s not uncommon for The Importants to call the superintendent before even alerting the school to their child’s dilemma. - The Gullibles
Gullibles believe everything their child says. When Mary reports daily at home that she is being bullied at school, every night they send an email to school. Though the alleged bullying has continued to be unfounded, Mary persists, and so does her parent.Mary knows how to play this game, how to manipulate Mom or Dad. Gullibles should familiarize themselves with this line of questioning, “How is it that this problem keeps finding you? What part did you play?” Most likely Mary enjoys the power she controls over her parents, or she wants a little extra attention. - The Bulldozers
What else can you call parents who are oblivious to anyone’s needs but their own? Informed that their child has seen the principal because she instigated bullying, Bulldozers waste no time. They call and demand to be seen NOW, or they just show up at school and expect immediate attention. They do not care that others are working, kids are around, or that they haven’t received the full-truth version of what really went down.Bulldozers are loud and red with anger. They should be sent packing if they can’t calm down – no ifs, ands, or buts. They may return when they’re calm for an appointment. If they refuse to go, this parent should be treated like any other person making a hostile scene in public. Call the police! - The Chipper
Just like a rock eventually erodes from a constant drip of water, the Chipper chips away at the educator’s energy. There is a barrage of constant emails. The first email informs of the problem. The second comes before day’s end to see if the problem is solved. The third comes the next morning to inform what kind of night the alleged target has had and the request for information ASAP. At noon, there is the call “just to check” if the teacher has received the previous emails. Before the day’s end comes another email to see if the problem is solved yet.Schools need to solve bullying actions as quickly as possible. However, some cases are easy and others not so clear-cut. The more people involved, the longer this will take to investigate. If stories don’t match, it gets muddier and harder to solve. - The Anonymous
It’s not just that the parent informant wants to be anonymous. It’s that EVERYTHING is anonymous!It sounds something like this, “Hi, this is Blake’s mom. Nick is bullying him in 3rd period study hall. Blake didn’t want me to call, so don’t pull him into your office. He’ll know that I did then. And, don’t call Nick in either, because it just will become worse for Blake. Maybe you could catch Nick bullying Blake. Could you just casually pass by Room 222 at 10:31? If you do see it, though, don’t do anything about it until class is over. Maybe you could accidently, bump into Blake in the hallway to talk about this. But, only do it if no one else is around.” Mission impossible? - The Denials
Jamie was caught on school camera calling Lai’Tasha some unprintable names. The video showed bystanders who were later interviewed and concur with what the video caught visually and audibly. Yet, Jamie’s mom says that Jamie didn’t do it. - The Blamers
Everything is the school’s fault with these guys. Izzy, a tiny sixth grader, is a girl who knows how to manipulate things. In science class she was teasing the boys in her group about how lame they were. On the way home and off the school grounds, the boys push Izzy to the ground. Fifteen minutes later with Izzy in tow, her dad shows up at school shouting at the secretaries that the school is responsible for what happened. He shouts, “If the science teacher hadn’t paired my daughter up with two hoodlums, this wouldn’t have happened! I’m calling my lawyer!”Unfortunately, the secretaries have no idea what happened since Mr. Blamer-Bulldozer never told them or anyone, for that matter. He just turned and walked out. - The Director
This mom or dad know it all (just ask them!). Whether their child is the bully or target, they will direct the school in how to handle the investigation. They say such things as, “After all, you are a public servant,” or “research shows…” or “in my position, I would never…”.Intellectuals, pseudo-intellectuals, armchair therapists, internet surfers, and even teachers often take the Director role.
Schools aren’t perfect, and neither are parents. We can become perfect partners, though, when we work together, seek the truth, and keep our eyes on the goal: doing what’s right for kids!
© 2012 A Way Through, LLC
Bullying strategists Jane Balvanz and Blair Wagner publish GAPRA’s bi-weekly articles. If you’re ready to guide children in grades K – 12 through painful friendships and emotional bullying:For help with emotional bullying: www.GAPRAconnect.com
For the When Girls Hurt Girls® program: www.AWayThrough.com
